As The Voice Fades

Fading memories-One of my least favorite things. I try so hard to remember her voice, her face, the calm of her presence..the comfort of her touch....its fading. My aunt was one of the most important people of my life. I had just gotten used to life without her until I really started remembering some of our conversations. Just before she died we talked about the big moments coming up in my life..my first day of high school, my first date, my first prom, my 16th birthday, my graduation day...all of the big moments for teenagers. She gave me advice that only an aunt can give to her niece. Such wisdom...and such grace. I never questioned if she really loved me..really cared about me and had my best intrest at heart. I know she did-without a shadow of a doubt. Its been 8 years and I remember it like it was yesterday. The pain. The disbelief. It still hurts. I know its not supposed to..I know that the rest of my family has moved on...but I can't. I need those talks with her...especially now in the next few years. Talks with my mother and sisters are good...but they come no where close to my Julie talks. I guess, in a way, I still use music to try to be close to her. We always shared music...she understood what music meant to me, even though I was just a little kid. That was part of our connection. She understood how just one song could change my mood, and the first song I hear in the morning sets the tone for my whole day. She got it...she got me. So yes...I do use music to try to keep that connection alive. Is that bad? If it is, I don't care. I'm not giving it up. And I'm not letting her fade anymore.